People in love make me want to vomit
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
