matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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