i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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