If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
