I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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