Are we in a gay sports bar?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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