A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
