my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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