New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
