We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Pants are for mortals
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
