You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
