is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
this hospital has no fireball
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
