fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
