Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Drunk is not a location!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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