Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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