she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
