He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
