this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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