Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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