I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
