Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Randomize
