which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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