Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
