Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
