You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
