I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
