at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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