I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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