my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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