at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You took a bar mat shot.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
