Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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