i jhust puked up my retainher.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i drank out of a bidet.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just want nice things and good sex
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
