When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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