Dude my mom stole all your condoms
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
