i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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