it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I deserve this hangover.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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