if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
