come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize