just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
