I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
