So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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