the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize