Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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