I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
