apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
