yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
