none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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