i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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