He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize