At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
