Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my shit smells like andre
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
