Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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