dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
