Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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