i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
