Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
