I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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