I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Green mimosas i think yes
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
