His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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