so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
