My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
