The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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