Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She needs sedatives and a leash
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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