i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
