I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
